I don’t want to feel broken

I don’t want to feel broken is a poem about the state of brokenness, that we all carry within us. It is a poem about how our society makes us deal with it.

von Carlotta Schäfer

I don’t want to feel broken

So, I fix myself

Over and over and over again

Sometimes a patch is enough

Sometimes I need the big guns

But no matter the kind of repair

Of my brokenness I’m still awfully aware

They say it’s okay

Look at that Japanese art

And it’s true

Brokenness wrapped in beauty doesn’t look so hard

But although it feels like I might shatter

I’m not a vase

And I haven’t got gold to repair my open veins

I don’t want to feel broken

Because broken feels like

Brutal honesty about my state of affairs

Desperation because nobody cares

Restlessness embedded into my every nerve

One small trigger and I might burst

Ominous thoughts about looming days ahead

Convinced I’ll stay forever mad

It usually only lasts a day or two

Until I can act normal again

Until I find the ultimate cure

Denial is what I’m looking for

So, let’s wait for the next time I’m honest to myself

And the stitches break

Broken is a state of mind

All neatly packed on the inside

Foto von Michael Walter